And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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