Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize