just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
