dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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