there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She's the barista slut.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
