That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Come see our sink grown plant.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Randomize
