2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
