you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
