gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
