with your own penis?
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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