bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
