He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
