So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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