I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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