So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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