i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize