He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
