I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
