I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
