Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
