Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
