Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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