WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
