Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
