His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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