so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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