i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
