My Higher Power is John Stamos
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
