kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
