therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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