Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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