just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
