Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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