im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
