i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
