Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize