Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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