The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
