Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
