Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize