And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
