Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
