Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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