hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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