i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
