Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You made out with two different species that night
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
