walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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