just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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