We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
