I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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