my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
