i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
