We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
