I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
