she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
