so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
