she woke up with a sticky ear
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
