Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
