yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
