if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
