My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
