That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
