i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
