Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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