Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
