Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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