I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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