why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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