I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
