just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
