glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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