??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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