I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
