Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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