I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the day after is always just damage control
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
my liver is dry heaving
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
